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[ Keith probably thought everyone in the house would be asleep at this hour, but joke's on him, Shiro's barely slept at all since finding out his bff is a notorious serial killer. At this particular moment, he's just finished up a trip to the bathroom, and is both surprised and not surprised to find Keith at the door with a bag.

This is what he gets for being a bad example, probably.

Which is not a thought he's actually going to share out loud. He doesn't want Keith to take him seriously and feel guilty for needing some space. So instead he just plods up behind Keith, accompanied by that dark cloud that's become a near-permanent feature since that fateful day at Kevin's. ]

Hey.

[ OK, that was straight-up a croak. Uuuuuugh. He grimaces briefly at the sound of it, but the possibility of losing his voice is not the subject at hand here, so. Moving right along! ]

Where are you headed?

[It's not like he doesn't hear him leave the bathroom, and he quietly curses the fact that he might have gotten out scott free if he'd just left five minutes earlier. He does pause as Shiro approaches him, but he doesn't move, not until he speaks, at which he goes back to lacing his boots.]

[His voice sounded rough, though. He glances at him out of the corner of his eye with a deep frown.]

Out. I- left a note. It's on the table.

[You know, just in case he was worried he was about to just fuck off without a word.]

...Sharnaath. I'm going to Sharnaath. Not sure how long, yet.

[He doesn't think Shiro is going to try and stop him. Shiro knows when to give him space, he always has. This shouldn't be any different, he hopes.]

[ It's not a bad idea. Kevin hates Shaarnath; the chances of running into him there are low. It's a better strategy than holing up in his room like he has been or even Shiro's strategy of planning his routes through town based around where he's least likely to run into him. It's just... sad, that this is what it's come to. ]

Okay. Take as much time as you need.

[ He sits down next to Keith and grabs his own boots. ]

Can I walk with you for a while? I need to get out of the house anyway.

[There's relief in his shoulders as Shiro gives him the go ahead to leave. He would have still left, he thinks, even if he hadn't. But he's glad that his assumption about Shiro letting him go was true. He didn't want another fight, or another argument, another something to make this worse than it already was.]

[When Shiro grabs his own boots, though, he pauses. Confusion playing on his face before he elaborates. He almost wants to decline, but ...no. Maybe it'll be good if they talked and Shiro hasn't implied going with him the whole way. Just a walk to get out of the house. Much like he was already doing.]

[He nods.]

Sure. Skies are supposed to be clear. Should nice out for once.

Really? Looks like rain to me.

[ He's referring to his little cloud friend, of course. It's been raining on him a lot recently, any time he gets upset enough for it. Just another reason to get out of the house right now, because he already knows it'll be raining again once Keith is gone, if not before then. It's just a fact of life, these days.

Once he's got his boots on, he stands back up and grabs an umbrella, leaning it casually against his shoulder for now. ]

Lead the way.

[Ah. He'd been trying not to bring attention to that. He knew what caused it and neither of them had been really up for talking about it yet. He waits for Shiro to get his boots on before he slings his knapsack over his shoulder and heads out the door.]

[Keith won't be the first to speak up, though he has plenty he wants to ask him, instead he'll just take in the night air as he heads down the street.]

[ Shiro stays silent for a while as they walk, giving Keith the chance to start the conversation first, if he wants. When Keith doesn't take the opportunity, he speaks up himself. ]

Do you want to talk about it?

[There it was. He figured Shiro wouldn't let the silence go for the whole walk at least. He takes a breath, lets it out through his nose before he answers him.]

I don't know. I- There's a lot I need to sort out, that's why I'm leaving. I can't trust myself to look at this the right way until I've had some quiet.

[He swallows, shaking his head.]

Do you?

Yeah.

[ There are lots of things he avoids talking with Keith about, but it's always out of a desire to not burden him. This is something that's weighing down on both of them already, so they might as well share it. ]

I keep thinking myself around in circles. A different perspective might help.

[He slows his step just a bit. It's not really often that Shiro wants to open up to him, so that he just said it out right has him willing to give him whatever attention he needs.]

Sure. Go ahead.

Kevin told me he'd killed 116 people. [ Give or take, but the detail of the history books isn't the part that's been sticking in Shiro's head. ] So... I've been doing a lot of math since then.

The Galra had me for a year. When I fought Myzax and became Champion, I was the first of a group of eight who were supposed to face him that day. There's a lot of variables I still can't remember. Was that a typical group size? Did I have to kill everyone I fought? Did they make me fight every day? Every week, maybe?

[ He pauses to open his umbrella. The cloud isn't raining yet, but it's just a matter of time. ]

No matter what I do with the numbers, 116 seems... impossibly small.

[Whatever Shiro was going to say to him, somehow Keith didn't expect it to be that. It startles him enough that he stops walking to look at him with wide eyes. There's a lot he has to take in there- because he hadn't considered that- Of course he hadn't.]

[Before he can really put serious thought into what he's saying, take in that number, holy shit, there's one thing he has to get out first. He swallows, shaking his head.]

Shiro, that's not the same. Not even close.

[ Shiro makes it a few more paces before he notices Keith's stopped. He turns around to face him, but it's only a moment before he averts his eyes. ]

It looks pretty similar from where I'm standing.

[ And there goes the rain. ]

[Oh, no you don't you shitcloud of gloom. Keith tries to reach up and waves it away for all the good it does him.]

No. Because you were forced into that ring against your will. You were fighting for your life, you didn't have a choice.

[Seeing as he can't do much for the cloud he settles back and looks at him, eyes narrowed.]

Kevin knew what he was doing. He made the choice to go out and kill those people for his wish. Maybe he wasn't thinking rationally at the time, and maybe he was grieving the people he'd lost, but he still did it.

[ Keith, you can't literally shoo away Shiro's bad feelings, that's not how it works. He appreciates the effort and all, but look, he brought this umbrella along for a reason. ]

"Kill or be killed" is still a choice. It's a lousy, unfair choice, but it's still a choice I had to make.

I don't think I made the wrong choice, and it's obvious that Kevin did, but... I don't think our motivations made much of a difference to the people we killed.

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